Identifying the Weak Thesis Statement

1. A. I’m going to write about Darwin’s concerns with evolution in The Origin of the Species.

• This thesis statement is weak because for one it starts off with “I’m going to write,” which we already know that the person writing the essay is obviously writing it, so that doesn’t need to be stated. Secondly, it doesn’t give many specifics towards what the essay is going to be about, and doesn’t raise any question for the reader to think about after reading the thesis statement.

2. A. An important part of one’s college education is learning to better understand others’ points of view.

• Just like in the previous thesis statement, there aren’t many specifics on the essay and leaves the reader with no questions of what the essay is about.

3. B. The jeans industry targets its advertisements to appeal to young adults.

• This thesis statement is short and doesn’t have much detail, adding specifics like they do in the better thesis statement would be the correct way.

4. A. Othello is a play about love and jealousy.

• Once again, this thesis statement is short and doesn’t give specific examples towards what the essay will be about or raise any sort of interest to read the essay.

5. A. The songs of the punk rock group Minor Threat relate to the Feelings of individuals who dare to be different. Their songs are just composed of pure emotion. Pure emotion is very important in music, because it serves as a vehicle to convey the important message of individuality. Minor Threat’s songs are meaningful to me because I can identify with them.

• This really isn’t a thesis statement at all. A thesis statement should be one sentence that explains what the essay will be about, but still leave question and make the essay appealing to the reader. This “paragraph” should be used as part of the body of the essay rather then the thesis statement.

My own thesis statement for essay #3:

Tim O’Brien may not describe the events of the Vietnam War in depth or with much evidence, but he does tell of his experience and the moments that truly stuck with him. Tim O’Brien’s writing style enables the reader to be able to decipher what they believe to be truth or fiction.

• I believe this is a strong thesis statement which could be backed up with evidence, and people who have read “The Things They Carried” could argue the statement or agree.

Works Cited:

1. "Thesis Funnel." English@kkc. Web. 31 Oct 2010.<http://ncowie.wordpress.com/2007/10/02/writing-a-thesis-statement/>.